What’s addiction all about? If it causes such pain and
negative consequences, why do we continue to engage in it?
As someone who’s struggled with eating disorders and worked
through years of recovery, I see over and over again, how I kept looking to
food, diets, rituals and all manner of behaviors to be my answer to my
problems. In short, I put my trust in anything and everything except God.
Scripture talks a lot about idolatry. It’s generally viewed
as a big no-no. After all, God gets right to the point with the first
commandment:
“Thou shalt have no
other gods before me.”
Exodus 20:3;
Deuteronomy 5:7
But I saw repeatedly how my own eating disorder behavior
directly flew in the face of that very commandment. I was trying, as an
impossibly imperfect human being, to do things my way.
Great.
I had visions of Frank Sinatra singing the empowering song
of individual freedom and independence. What I got, however, were stifling
eating disorders.
So much for my bright ideas, huh?
Indeed, my desperate nature wanted to be soothed and
comforted for a multitude of reasons: abuse, rejection, loneliness and fear, to
name a few. And none of those reasons were sinful; they were what they were.
But my choice to look outside of God was, dare I say, sinful.
Yikes.
Sinful. That’s a
harsh word. Did I choose to have eating disorders? No, I don’t believe I did.
But did I choose my choices which eventually led me down that road? Oh yes, I
did.
The word “sin” is often described as “missing the mark.”
It’s a lighter touch than a descriptive definition of willful and evil
disobedience to God. “sin” never is a feel good word; that’s for sure. I’ve
gone several rounds with God praying for forgiveness of my sins, asking for
help, trying not to look at and deal with them.
But, for a moment, let’s just examine the “sin” word through
that “missing the mark” definition. After all, God doesn’t want to pulverize
anyone. Scripture tells us…
“The Lord is not
slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is longsuffering
to us-ward, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to
repentance.”
2 Peter 3:9
So, that’s a breather right there. God’s opposition to sin
is not because He wants to ruin all of our fun. It’s because that sin gets us
astray from the best, most blessed and beneficial mark for our lives; we
downright miss that mark by following sin.
And that idea to miss the mark starts with a decision. And
that decision starts with a thought. One tiny, seemingly innocent little
thought.
“For as he thinketh
in his heart, so is he...”
Proverbs 23:7
“Keep thy heart
with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.”
Proverbs 4:23
Again, yikes.
For me, that one
little thought was that food would be my answer: to comfort, to companionship,
to control, to entertainment and to love. And with that thought as a baseline,
it set the stage for all of my other disordered eating issues and behaviors.
Later on, starvation, binge overeating, excessive exercise, deceit and control
tactics were additional layers which were added, convincing me “this” was the
answer I could trust.
However, of course, none of them were. Instead, each one of
them only pulled me deeper into prison, unhealthy choices, fear and shame. Not
what I chose, but, by virtue of that thought, leading to wrong choice after wrong
choice, it was exactly what I got.
A lot of us like Chinese food. And, what comes as a dessert
treat with the meal is the fortune cookie. We crack it open to reveal a tiny
paper fortune. It’s usually way above my head, spouting something about wisdom
or strength. But how many of us don’t even focus past the actual cookie itself
for some answer?
“It” may not be an actual cookie which is your Achilles
heel, but it’s something isn’t it? Something you, yourself, through a thought,
a decision, have ordained to be your answer. It could be a pint of ice cream, a
shot of Bourbon, a line of cocaine, a hit of speed, another bet on the horses
or a rendezvous with that person who is “bad”: for you. But whatever “it” is,
it is not your answer. God is.
Scripture reminds us…
“….Blessed are all they that put their trust in
him.”
Psalm 2:12
So, what’s unsaid is, perhaps, “cursed are all they that put
their trust in (Fill in the blank with your ‘it?’)”
Again, it’s not comforting, like thinking on the word “sin.”
But each of us really needs to get real with who- and what- we place our trust
in. Nothing else will save or work for us. The fortune cookie will not work.
Only God…only God…
Copyright © 2014 by Sheryle Cruse
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