“I’m my own
worst enemy.”
Ever utter
those words?
Chances are,
at different points in our lives, we will do our own unique versions of
self-destruction. We self-sabotage. It’s not necessarily because we want to
ruin our lives.
Perhaps,
rather, it’s because we want to control
them.
Wonderful,
here we go!
And, for
those of us in recovery: alcohol, drugs, food, gambling, shopping, anything
under the sun, really, it seems to be all in a day’s work. What’s the famous slogan?
“Relapse is a part of the recovery process.”
Oh, good, so
let’s do some recovering then.
Scripture
illustrates the relapse/self-sabotage principle long before any 12 Step
Programs or support groups were formed.
“As a dog returneth to his vomit, so a fool returneth to his folly.”
Proverbs 26:11
Lovely.
My husband
and I don’t have dogs; we have cats. And so, I understand this Proverb in real life
feline terms. With our cats, there are hairballs, usually coughed up at two in
the morning. I should know because that’s usually the time I’m awakened to that
one of a kind retching sound. Either that, or I step in it when I get up hours
later. Both are fun options, let me tell you.
Nevertheless,
on more occasions than I care to experience, our cats, if left to their own
devices, will eventually attempt to consume
their just regurgitated hairballs.
Pleasant.
It sounds
gross, barbaric and pointless to us, doesn’t it? After all, this hairball,
supposedly, was giving the cats enough trouble for them to vomit it up in the first place, right? Why go back to
square one?
Is anyone
recognizing themselves yet? I know I am.
To start,
there’s an independent streak, usually very contrary to most 12 Step Principles
like…
“We admitted we
were powerless over a substance - that our lives had become unmanageable.”
“We admitted to God, to
ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.”
“We humbly asked Him to remove
our shortcomings.”
Pretty
straightforward and thorough, isn’t it?
But is it fun and gratifying to our will and cravings?
Eh, not so much. We tend to insist on a declaration of our own little
independence, don’t we?
That often involves such great decision makers like pride, isolation and excess.
So, let’s see what might happen with these approaches.
First, there’s pride.
“Pride goeth before destruction and a haughty spirit before a
fall.”
Proverbs 16:18
We’re not the first to dawn upon that cute notion. In fact, it goes back a
little ways, beyond a decade or even a century. Try a real-l-l-l-y long time
ago, with one particular little fella.
“And he said unto them, ‘I beheld Satan as lightning fall
from heaven.’”
Luke 10:18
“How you have fallen from heaven, morning star, son of the
dawn! You have been cast down to the earth, you who once laid low the nations!”
Isaiah 14:12
Oh, good, this will go great.
Indeed, Humpty Dumpty had a great
fall. But it wasn’t without cause. You see, Satan thought he could do things
all by himself. He could be just like God. No problem, right?
But there was a problem, a big
old independent pride of a problem. And Satan, therefore, got puffed up, greedy
and grabby.
"But you said in your heart, 'I will ascend to heaven; I
will raise my throne above the stars of God, And I will sit on the mount of
assembly In the recesses of the north. I will ascend above
the heights of the clouds; I will make myself like the Most High.'”
Isaiah 14:13-14
Uh-Oh.
And then there followed God’s “nevertheless” response to that attitude…
"Nevertheless you will be thrust
down to Sheol, To the recesses of the pit.”
Isaiah 14:15
Yeah, that’s not good…
"Those who see you will gaze at
you, They will ponder over you, saying, 'Is this the man who made the earth
tremble, Who shook kingdoms?’”
Isaiah 14:16
So much for big, bad and independent, huh?
It’s not about calling ourselves Satan. It is, however,
about recognizing the slippery slope of willfulness…stubbornness…pride…independent
arrogance… and a great big fall.
We’re all capable of that. How many “rock bottoms,”
really, have you and I already lived through? Do we really want to take another swan dive?
But, I guess, a-diving we often go, employing good ‘ole
isolation to the stubborn mess.
Whether we want to indulge our cravings or are ashamed of
that indulgence (or both), many of us decide we need to drop off the planet and
self-medicate/party. We stop talking to our loved ones. We can stop going to
meetings, calling our sponsors and going to church, school and work.
Scripture, as usual, provides its perspective on this
tactic:
“A man who isolates himself seeks his
own desire;
He rages against all wise judgment.”
He rages against all wise judgment.”
Proverbs 18:1
What’s the opposite of wise? Foolish.
But, c’mon, we reason such things as…
“This is fun.”
“It’s only one
time.”
“I have this
under control.”
“I’ll get back on the horse Monday morning.”
“Besides, no one
understands my pain or what I’m going through.”
Said any of these gems? I have. Yet, they never work;
they never fix anything. And, eventually, we’re wallowing in situations that
went way further than we ever expected they would. That’s what sin does.
Yay.
But it’s not
about condemnation, because, after all…
“There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in
Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.”
Romans 8:1
Yet there’s
also a reality check side to the condemnation issue. And again, it deals with
our flawed selves. Check out this little ditty:
“And this is the condemnation, that light is come into the
world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were
evil.”
John 3:19
It’s not
flattering. I know, at different times, I’ve been in a critical moment of
decision: should I indulge in my own way here and now or choose the healthier
approach of going to a support group meeting, calling someone, going to church
or, heck, even praying? Unfortunately, I’ve occasionally chosen the first
option, even when I “knew better,” even when I glimpsed the consequences of
that less than healthy choice.
Why did I do
this? Well, Paul says it much better than I EVER could:
“For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to
do, that I do not practice: but what I hate, that I do.”
Romans 7:15
Thanks,
Paul.
And that’s
where the healing of supportive people comes in. After all, if God stated being
alone wasn’t good for us, why would that change?
“And the LORD God said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an
help meet for him.’”
Genesis 2:18
Now, I know
this scripture is trotted out when it comes to finding a spouse and that’s a
part of it.
But it also
speaks to the connection- the communion- with supportive loving people in our
lives. They can be in recovery groups and churches; they can be sponsors. But
the common denominator is that they have to be individuals outside of our “me, myself and I” tendencies.
God didn’t
create hermits. We do that to
ourselves. And there’s no blessing to that decision, only more delusion,
deception and destruction. We cannot go it alone.
And let’s
not forget, we still have the pursuit of our cravings. We are often captivated
by excess. We want to be with our chosen binges and diseases, don’t we? Again,
we’re cautioned not to do that…
“Do not join those who drink too much wine or gorge
themselves on meat.”
Proverbs 23:20
"Be careful, or your hearts will be weighed down with
carousing, drunkenness and the anxieties of life, and that day will close on
you suddenly like a trap.
Luke 21:34
But those
cautions aren’t so much fun. They aren’t attractive, compelling, glimmering
with our God substitute of an answer to pain, stress and life. Indulgence is
more of a party than self-control.
And, because
God is a good God, yes, He has given us the capacity for that attribute.
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love,
joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and
self-control. Against such things there is no law.”
Galatians 5:22-23
We just need
to put it into practice.
“This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and
ye shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh.”
Galatians 5:16
And c’mon, we view the word “practice” as
work, not fun, right?
Nevertheless,
it is possible. We just need to remember,
it’s not about our strength or
brilliant ideas. We know what some of those things can do. Self-control is tied
to God.
“I am the vine; you are the branches.
If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you
can do nothing.”
John 15:5
Whether it is
stumbling blocks of pride, isolation or excess, God still wants to be in our
lives and recovery programs; He wants to instruct and guide us.
“I will instruct you
and teach you in the way you should go: I will guide you with My eye.”
Psalm 32:8
“Your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, ‘This is the
way, walk in it, whenever you turn to the right hand, and whenever turn to the
left.’”
Isaiah 30:21
Often, God
is not even saying something super spiritual to us. It could be “Go to a
meeting,” “Call your sponsor,” “Don’t shop on the internet,” or “Put that drink
down.”
In that
moment, it often comes down to a question: do we trust God?
“Trust in the Lord
with all your heart; and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways
acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.”
Proverbs 3:5-6
That
question is not easy to answer. Neither is recovery. Let’s get real- often, it
feels like a war.
“But I see a different law in the
members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a
prisoner of the law of sin which is in my members. Wretched man that I am!
Who will set me free from the body of this death? Thanks be to God through Jesus
Christ our Lord! So then, on the one hand I myself with my mind am serving the
law of God, but on the other, with my flesh the law of sin.”
Romans 7:23-25
But we’re
not alone in that war. God is there.
And He’s making a way…
“Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed that he
does not fall. No temptation has overtaken you but such as is
common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond
what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also,
so that you will be able to endure it.”
1 Corinthians 10:12-13
One day at a
time, in the moment…
And, even
it’s a “relapse kind of moment,” God is still there, able to handle it:
“Behold, I am the Lord,
the God of all flesh. Is there anything too hard for Me?”
Jeremiah 32:27
He doesn’t
want to punish us or beat us up.
“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the
Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.”
Jeremiah 29:11
We need to
stop doing it, then, to ourselves. God wants us to see there’s another way from
the options we’re unsuccessfully pursuing. He’s faithful to meet us right where
we are.
And He’s
equipped us with practical recovery tools. Support groups, sponsors, recovery
meetings and healthy coping strategies are just a few of those options. They
can be secular in nature sometimes, but once God is at the center, they become
Godly.
You and I don’t have to return to the vomit. God has better for us.
Wherever we are on the relapse/recovery grid, we need to remember God
desires to love us, meet us and help us. Let’s accept the grace, start again if
we need to and leave the vomit where it belongs: in the past.
Copyright © 2015 by
Sheryle Cruse
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