Through the Valley of the Dolls

Most of us, as little girls, have played with dolls. I have; I love dolls. Recently, I came across some of the dolls I played with as a child. It sparked some revelation, even into the roots of my eating disorder development and estimation of beauty standards. I’m not here to say that dolls are evil. But they can influence perceptions of beauty and worth. As with most things, even doll play has been a subtle journey, playing a role in forming the woman I ultimately became.

“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”

Proverbs 22:6

Softina- Baby Doll:

Most of us little girls start out playing with baby dolls. We learn how to feed, dress, nurture through this baby doll play. Notice that we’re not, as little girls, drawn to how skinny a baby doll is. We only look for cuteness. So, baby dolls are often chubby, not a size 0. This is the case with “Softina“ here. Emphasis is on each little girl being “a good Mommy,” not necessarily on how we look.

Barbie:

Ah, Barbie! Yes, you’d be hard pressed to find a female out there who has not heard of this doll! Having been around for over fifty years now, Barbie has been a staple in most of our playtime sessions as girls. As a little girl, I was no different. I looked to her and dreamed. Barbie has had many careers, looks and accessories over the years. She’s followed the trends and norms of society. She’s been who we, as girls, aspired to be as women when we grew up. She also has, typically, unrealistic physical attributes (Measurements on Barbie, if an actual woman would be 39-19-33). Yet we looked and saw her as beautiful; we wanted her long blonde hair, her blue eyes, her bust, her waist, her long legs, her perfect life! Some women, even today, have undergone cosmetic surgery, having cheekbone, chin and breast implants to purposely look more like the doll in their own lives!

Sindy:

Sindy: I believe she was a doll who had her start in Britain in the 1960’s. She, eventually, made her way over to America. I mention this doll because there was a time  I really got into her when I got a little older. I preferred her over Barbie, in fact, at one time. I had everything Sindy: her furniture, her clothes, her horse, her tiny little ice cubes in her tiny little ice cube trays- you name it. I bring her up, because the first thing I noticed about her, when I got her, was how she looked different from Barbie; I noticed her large head right away. But, despite her large noggin, I still loved playing with her; I still found her beautiful and fun. I dreamed about my life as a woman. No, she may not have fit into Barbie’s doll mold, but, nevertheless, she was still a female image. Hmmm. Seeds, perhaps, were developing in my little girl mind, regarding more than one beauty standard out there? We all need to play with Sindy, I guess, every now and then, to give ourselves a refresher course in this principle: different types of beauty exist out there.

Mint-In-Box Barbie:

By the time I was a preteen, I got away from playing with Barbie dolls. At this point, I moved into becoming a doll collector; I was more interested in preserving them, “mint in box,” like “Angel Face Barbie” here. Years later, I now see an interesting shift going on. I can see the eating disorder seeds sprouting, as I became more preoccupied with “perfection,” rather than imperfect play. I would rather preserve the doll than play with her as a toy. As I moved into adolescence- and my eating disorders- likewise, I would rather be a “perfect- a/k/a- thin” specimen instead of a person living life. Hmmm. Interesting. I, with my eating disorder behaviors, was trying to be “mint in box” as well.

Smaller Doll:

“Mint in box” lead me to this doll, by the time I was twelve, I think. I’m not sure of the brand or the doll name. But I was drawn to her, again, not because I wanted to play with her, but rather, because of her size.

See the comparison, next to Barbie and Sindy?

Much, much smaller. Doll imitated life, again, for me as well. The years rolled by and I determined and achieved a smaller size body through anorexia in my later teen years. I wanted to be as tiny as possible. I wanted to disappear, I suppose.

Again, I’m not calling dolls evil. Like it or not, they are a large part of a girl’s development; they’ve been around in different centuries and cultures.

 I have, however, found more insight, years later, still, a doll fan, as I look at my life, through the valley of dolls.

How about you? What are you favorite dolls? Who did you play with, what doll inspired you, as a girl? Dolls, indeed, can shape who we become as the women we are. There’s more at play than just “playing with dolls.”